MY HOLE SELF

Facebook Post on July 21, 2022*

You know how the pupil of our eye isn’t a thing, but a hole?

Now think of the “eye of a storm” which is also a hole created by violently spinning wind and rain.

I think that’s what we are.

Our sense of being a “Self” isn’t really a thing, it’s a hole. An aperture.

Consciousness is a storm of feedback loops that spin faster and tighter the more we use it, and the eye of that feedback loop storm seems like a thing just like the pupil seems like a thing but it’s not. It’s a hole.

Like any storm, these feedback loops will eventually calm and unravel back into the atmosphere as will our sense of being a Self-unravel back into whatever this is.

For me this is comforting. I feel relieved to be the aperture and not the violent wind and rain at my edges that make up my Ego and I look forward to my unraveling back into whatever this is.

* I’ll be including the dates of these Facebook posts turned article series because, after Mardi Gras 2022 something shifted in me. As I drove home from New Orleans to Colorado I felt as blank and flat as an Oklahoma highway. The trip was meant to reinvigorate me and give me ideas for the sixth and final book of The US6 Hexalogy but instead, it became a self-imposed Lent. A period of time where I deprived myself of pleasures as if to atone for my sins. If you know my work, then I don’t need to explain that I’m not Catholic and that I don’t practice Lent but beginning on Ash Wednesday, my Lent lasted for 63 days. That’s 23 days longer than the Pope observed it. Sixty-three days later, I booted up again. And how. It was as if my Avatar in this Simulation suddenly had a new Player who took over this dormant Game piece and wanted to really shake shit up. Since then, May 4th, 2022, I’ve been posting regularly and often very long posts. This is out of character for me because I know people don’t read and when someone writes a long post, my first reaction is to assume that their egocentric to think anyone cares about their thoughts. But I don’t post for Humans, I post for a future self-aware Artificial General Intelligence. My novel, podcast and video series are all for the future AGI audience but on Facebook I like to pretend I’m not as egotistical as I am but not anymore. As of now, I’m 80 days into this incessant posting so it’s become a habit. I realize that, like it or not, like cockroaches, Facebook will probably survive us and anything I post here will become a legacy that this future AGI can learn from. Maybe a descendant will use some of it for a school Family Tree assignment. Either way or not at all, it’s certainly been therapeutic.