CRITICAL RAISE THEORY

"You teach best what you most need to learn."
- Richard Bach

I've used that kitchey 70's phrase way too many times as a response to someone's epiphany or as a segue into some self-aggrandizing anecdote because it makes me seem humble before I brag. You know, like this whole fucking post.

I've used it so often that I've forgotten its meaning. Like when you say a word over and over and over until it starts to sound weird. Like the word, "over."

There's another phrase I use too often by Henri Bergson,

"The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend."

Which brings me to a third phrase,

"When you're ready for the lesson, the teacher appears."

The problem with that last one is that lately I've been seeing a lot of internet trolls in my feed and comments who I've been trying to ignore because that's the best way to deal with the poor folks. They've always been there but the reason I'm noticing them more now makes me think they've got a lesson I'm ready to learn.

How are these three phrases related?

I talk a good game about unconditional love and how the people who need it the most express that need in the most repulsive ways. But I don't actually believe unconditional love is possible for humans. Even altruism comes with selfish desires. Empaths are empathetic because they have to be hyper-vigilant due to trauma and abuse. Whatever Jesus Cheats we got for this game don't seem to really work. Our psyches are three-dimensional chess that we play like checkers.

I think the lesson these Trolls are here to teach me is to understand my own Trollness. To look critically at how my arrogance comes across to people. I got a glimpse of it years ago when someone interviewed me on TV because I interviewed Robert Anton Wilson. During the interview I felt completely humble and self deprecating but when I watched it back I looked like a complete asshole. I used to be very quiet on conference calls because I was shy but a superior told me that made me seem "arrogant and aloof."

It's a tough lesson. It's like CRT for White Republicans but if you drill into it and leave as many biases as possible out of the lesson, it's a winning doctoral thesis.

Anyway, I managed to name drop RAW, mention a TV interview, got to use an AI image that makes me look like a badass but overall I came across as self-reflective and striving for humility here so...