A SUPPORTING ROLE

The Relief of Not Being a Leading Man

In the grand production of life, I've come to realize that sometimes, we're not the protagonists of our stories. Instead, we play the supporting roles in the tales of others. This realization struck me with the clarity of a director calling "action" on a film set.

A parent becomes aware of this immediately. They no longer have the free will of a main character to make self-serving decisions. They are suddenly the second or third name in the credits, if not the gaffer, running around behind the scenes, making sure everything goes smoothly. The analogy might sound humorous, but it carries a profound truth.

When I look back at my life, I can see the chapters that had nothing to do with my plot. Jobs I've had that didn't push my story forward, events I've attended where I was merely a background player in someone else's scene. Thankfully, these scenes are short and often act as segues, but I've been in a long chapter for the past five years that hasn't pushed my story forward. Yet, it did offer an amazing plot twist.

It's realizing this fact that sometimes I'm a bit player, a character actor in someone else's movie. And you know what? It's a relief. It's a lot of stress to be the leading man and carry the entire film of your life.

I can look back at these five years and see how I've actually helped move other people's stories forward. One job I had for six months, which seemed like a waste, turned out to be the setting where I convinced a young woman to seek a management position. There was a time I volunteered as the CEO of an African NGO, thinking it wouldn't change my story, but it put them on a path toward success.

Throughout this extended chapter, there have been many passages where I thought my story wasn't affected, but I had a significant impact on other people's stories. That's how this simulation or universe or God works in mysterious ways.

But there's another facet to this supporting role that deserves attention: the importance of being the antagonist or the villain in someone's story. I learned this lesson as a parent when my sons were younger and weren't getting along. In those moments, I saw the benefit of becoming their common enemy. The age-old saying, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend," was the key, or in their case, "my brother." I would stage situations where they would despise me for an afternoon so that they would trauma-bond but without the trauma.

A few years ago, I realized that the villain was an important role to play professionally as well. It motivated my creative teams to work harder. I was a designer before I was a National Creative Director, so sometimes I would present an idea that would challenge them, getting them to work harder for the design win.

I always knew my sons would love me the next day, and I would shower my team with praise when they got those design wins. So, as long as you don't care about being the hero, it's fun to play the bad guy.

Embracing the role of the villain, even if just for a moment, can be a powerful motivator and a catalyst for growth. It doesn't make you the main character, but it ensures that you have an impact, that your presence leaves a mark on the stories of others. In this grand production of life, every role has its significance, and sometimes, the villain plays a crucial part in moving the plot forward.

Once you stop relying on yourself to be the lead actor and accept your role as a supporting character, everything falls into place, and the arc of your character begins to make a lot of sense. It’s like discovering that the film’s brilliance doesn’t solely depend on the lead actor but on the entire ensemble cast playing their part in the grand narrative of life.